A House is Not a Home
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Billy buys a house that haunts him.
1. Chapter 1

Room noodles. That's what his mother had called them—in one of her few attempts at actually being a comfort to him as a child. He'd wake up alone, in his bed, in the dark—frightened by the noises the old house made in the supposed empty darkness.

Billy took another drink from the bottle as he leaned against the heavy wooden mantle. He guessed those moments happened in the days before he was sent away, before he grew up in a boarding school, before he only got weekly letters and holiday visits.

Growing up that way was one of the reasons he was so determined to make this work. He'd been so certain. It was something about the way she looked at him that night, the way her eyes stared up into his, the way she relaxed into his embrace. She'd said the words he'd been so desperate to hear and he'd believed her. He believed she wanted him as much as he wanted her. This was the logical next step. Impulsive, yes, but that was what she loved about him.

There was something exquisitely charming about the old Victorian house. He'd always loved it. During his marriage to Victoria, he'd pointed out to her, it's charm and beauty appealing to him immediately, but she'd quickly dismissed it as a money pit and droned on about the renovations and the hassles. He'd resigned himself to admiring it from afar until now. From the moment Phyllis said the words, the house had been in his mind. He'd called the real estate agent shortly after and put forth an aggressive bid.

For a house built in 1900, it was in beautiful shape, with high tray ceilings and original wood floors. The built in benches overlooking park views were picturesque and he could almost picture his children playing out on the wraparound porch. Phyllis would love it, he was sure of it.

At least she would have-If she were here—if she had chose him.

* * *

 _"I'm so sorry, Billy. I never wanted to hurt you." She stared at him, tears streaming down her face. "I just…I can't do this. I can't walk away from my marriage…not now….not without knowing I've done everything I can to save what we had."_

 _"What you_ _ **had**_ _. My God, Phyllis. Do you even hear yourself? You're talking about your marriage in the past tense. Somewhere in your heart you know it's over. Why are so hell bent on perpetuating this?" He shook his head as he stared at her. It took everything in him to even choke out the words, his own throat clenched tight with emotions, his eyes shining with tears. "My brother doesn't understand you. Why don't you see that?"_

 _"I don't think I've given him a chance to understand, Billy. We were….we were so caught up in this…in whatever this was…"_

 _He reached out, grabbing her hands in his. "This was love, Phyllis. You said it. I said it. Don't try to rewrite history, here. You're not going to convince me that this was some affair for you. I know it was more than that. I saw it in your eyes when you looked at me. I heard it in your voice when you talked to me. I felt it in when you touched me." The tears escaped his eyes now, but he no longer cared. Saving his dignity was a lost cause._

 _"Billy, please…" She hated seeing what she'd done to him. The damage she'd caused to her marriage, to her relationship with her daughter, to her relationship with her entire family was difficult enough to comprehend. It was almost impossible to fathom Jack forgiving her, but she'd never considered she'd also need forgiveness from Billy._

 _"Don't ask me to understand this. I can't understand. You can't just come here and tell me that you've completely changed your mind…like you just woke up today and decided that everything you felt yesterday was wrong, that everything you said to me was a lie….It doesn't work that way, damn it!" Anger welled up inside him and he reached for the first available object and flung it across the room. The sound of the glass shattering against the wall provided no relief. If anything the look on her face as he looked back at her made him feel even worse._

 _Billy stepped towards her, touching her cheek softly. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I'm just…I don't understand this. I don't understand why you're saying these things. I know you don't mean them." He stared at her, his eyes begging her to be honest._

 _"I do mean them, Billy. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, but I mean them. We can't be together. The truth is, we never could. We were stupid to ever believe this could work. This was a fairy tale…just like we said. We were never meant to be forever."_

* * *

He took another long drink from the bottle. Somewhere along the way, a glass had become an unnecessary accoutrement. He wasn't drinking to socialize or to experience the quality of the scotch. He was drinking to stop hurting so damn much. The stairs creaked a little as he slowly climbed them. It was the little things, the details that made it worse—how a simple staircase conjured a vivid memory, how a fireplace spun a vision so clear he'd swear he could reach out and touch it. That was what he'd hoped to create in this house with the woman he loved and the family they'd create together. That was what hoping got you.

Two of the bedrooms upstairs were smaller, but he'd decided they would be perfect for Johnny and Katie. One of the larger bedrooms came complete with a fireplace and a bay window. That would make for a perfect master and the other bedroom would be a perfect guest room….or maybe a nursery. He still smiled as he considered it, even with the reality having been shoved in his face. It had been a beautiful dream and he was grateful to have lived it…if only for a while.

The neighbors had been polite when he'd gone next door and introduced himself. The elderly couple had invited him in for coffee and chattered excitedly about how glad they were to see a young family moving into the beautiful old treasure next door. They'd had such a nice conversation that it hadn't seem at all odd when Billy questioned their holiday plans. He was glad they wouldn't be here. No one needed to see this.

His eyes moved to the corner of the room. It was exactly where he'd left it the last time…the last time when his plan had been thwarted by the sweet old man he'd seen raking leaves in the yard next door. But that was all taken care of now. Tonight there were no more distractions. No more interruptions. No more people to worry about. He'd taken Johnny to the dinosaur park this weekend and Katie had enjoyed their Sunday afternoon tea party. Neither of them understood why it was so important, but he did. In truth, they were better off…even if they didn't know it now.

The can felt heavy in his hand, the smell of gasoline immediately permeating the air as he unscrewed the cap. For a moment, he felt a twinge of guilt as he thought about the beautiful home going up in smoke. Surely someone else could make a home out of this house…but he couldn't…and it was supposed to be his home…their home….He couldn't see it every day. He couldn't drive by and imagine what it would have been like. He couldn't stand to create scenes in his mind of Phyllis sitting on the bench seat with the sunlight in her hair, of Johnny and Katie swinging on the porch, of cold winter nights spent wrapped up in each other in front of the fireplace. It would hurt too much. The pain had to stop. He tipped the can and watched as the gas slowly poured on the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

He lit the match, tossing it softly into the fireplace. He hadn't doused this room-the one that would have been their bedroom. It somehow seemed too sacred-too filled with memories that had never been made.

 _"Was today what you wanted?" His was soft as he looked at her. She stood in the corner of the room, her dress now hanging in the closet, a royal blue, silk robe now wrapped around her slight frame. The moonlight filtered in through the curtains, casting the perfect, romantic glow._

 _"What I wanted?" She smiled as she walked over towards him. "Today was everything I ever dreamed of." Her hand was warm as she brushed his face, "How could it not be? It was you."_

 _"I just mean...I know it was probably not the way you would have liked. My family.."_

 _"Shhhh...". Her hand gently covered his mouth, though the weight of her eyes on his would have probably stunned him into silence. "You were there and I was there..nothing else mattered."_

* * *

He could feel the warmth of the flames as the crackled in front of him. These were small and safely confined. It was strange how beautiful it was-how fire could capture your attention, warm your body, soothe your spirit, and then burn you to the ground. It was, he thought, a lot like love.

Billy listened, still no sound of the fire spreading. That was good. He'd deliberately spread the gasoline out and hadn't lit a doused room. It wasn't an explosion he was after. He didn't want the huge flames, the shattering windows...No. That would attract attention. That would bring rescue. He'd told her months ago, there was only one person that could save him and she wasn't looking to save anyone tonight. Tonight wasn't about getting over it. It wasn't even about getting through it. Tonight was about ending it. Tonight he was going to have the house with her-even if it was only in his mind.

* * *

 _"I got your message." Billy stood in the foyer, his heart pounding in his chest. He'd screamed at his secretary when he'd read the note on his desk. He'd apologized of course but he was still upset. "You always get me if my wife calls," he'd demanded, "I don't care who I'm meeting with." He'd gripped the note in his hand, trying desperately not to imagine the worst case scenario. "How long ago did she call? Did she sound upset?" Finally he'd just relented and left, needing to see for himself that she was ok._

 _"Billy-I didn't mean for you to come home now," Phyllis said quietly. "All I said was to come home as soon as you could tonight."_

 _"So you're ok?" Relief flooded his body as he looked at her._

 _"Yeah." She let out a little laugh. "I'm fine. I'm sorry if I worried you."_

 _He stepped towards her, kissing her forehead gently. "You never have to be sorry. Besides, coming home early to you is nowhere near the worst thing that could have happened." He stepped back, his eyes narrowing a bit as he surveyed her attire. "Umm..."_

 _He gently pulled at the apron she was wearing. "You know I love you, right?"_

 _She rolled her eyes. "Save it. I didn't make it. I'm just warming it," she grinned._

"Yeah, well...do you uh..remember the brown and serve dinner rolls last month?"

 _"That's not fair. I was distracted and if I remember correctly we both share the blame for that." The smile on her face was something he didn't ever think he'd grow tired of._

 _"Besides," she continued, "If I remember correctly, you and Johnny said they served as excellent hockey pucks."_

 _"They certainly did," he laughed as he followed her to the kitchen. "So..is it after to say we've got no rolls tonight?"_

 _Phyllis felt her heart race a little. Yeah, no rolls tonight...menu tonight is a little different._ "

 _"Do tell," he smiled._

 _She looked at him, her eyes shimmering. "Why don't you take a look?"_

 _"Alright," eh laughed, beginning to lift the covers from the dishes. A fresh salad sat on the edge of the counter with baby spinach and baby corn. Baby carrots were glazed and sitting in a porcelain dish beside a tray of baby back ribs. "Ribs?" He smiled. "This is different. I don't think I've ever seen you eat ribs."_

 _"Hmmm.." Phyllis muttered, her eyes now darting towards the table._

 _Billy looked at her, his smile growing. "What are you up to?" He grinned. He walked over to the table, his feet freezing in place as he reached the dining area. His hands shook as he gingerly lifted the plate. The tears that already filled his eyes made the letters blur, but the message was clear._

 _Phyllis walked up slowly behind him. "There was supposed to be food on the place," she explained, the tears already falling down her face, "so you would see the words as you ate, but you were early."_

 _He turned to ok at her, the plate still in his hand. "You're...We're...We're gonna have a baby?"_

 _She nodded, laughing through the tears as she saw the smile on his face and felt his arms wrap tight around her_.

* * *

He could smell the smoke now. This was the way it should be. This was the way he wanted it. He needed the slow burn, the smolder. He wanted to slowly drift away, to let the memories of what they could have had, of what they could have been take him away to a place he wasn't alone-to a place he was with her...forever.

If he wanted to get out, he could get out now. There was still time, but if he left, he left the memories too, all the hopes and dreams. He didn't want to leave. This was their house. This was their life. He'd never even been able to show her. She'd never even seen their room. She'd never step foot on the porch where their children would play.

It was getting harder to breath now, though he wasn't sure if it was the fire or the overwhelming pain. Either way, it didn't matter. Soon the pain, just like the house, just like this future, just like this dream-would be done.


	3. Chapter 3

Her heart began to pound the moment she heard the first chime of the phone. Nothing good came from phone calls in the middle of the night and every mother knew it. The actual conversation was now a bit of a blur. She was on autopilot as she gripped the steering wheel and stared at the road ahead of her. The robotic voice of the GPS guided her as she made her way to the house that she knew nothing about, to the son that she'd not seen or talked to in weeks—the son that might now be….

She slammed on brakes as she reached the driveway, furiously trying to turn off the ignition and open the door of the car. Smoke poured from broken windows and fireman crowded the building as they fought the ever growing flames.

"My son is in there!" Jill screamed, racing towards the stone steps. An officer grabbed her, pulling her back towards the caution tape.

"You're Jill Abbott?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, her heart still pounding in her chest as she struggled to get closer to the house. "My son…Billy..he's.."

The office shook his head. "They're working on your son right over there." He pointed to an ambulance.

Jill turned to see a group of EMTs huddled together working feverishly on the ground. She couldn't see him, but the sheer number of people terrified her. "I need to see him. He needs to know I'm here."

"You can't..not now. Let them do their work." He reached into his pocket. "We found this with him," he said softly, holding out the picture towards her. "We weren't sure if this was something you'd want or if it was someone you'd need to contact."

Jill took the photo in her hand, her heart sinking.

"Thank you," She whispered. For a moment she stood still, simply staring at the photo. She had known this relationship would lead to disaster and now look at where they were. She was standing in front of a house that was going up in flames, a house that until moments ago had her son inside—and she now had a pretty good idea as to why.

She'd had high hopes that Billy would walk away from this fairly unscathed, especially when she'd heard Phyllis had come to her senses and decided to work on her marriage, but she hadn't counted on one thing. Billy was in love. She hadn't realized it right away, chalking up his horrific reaction to male ego and his competitive nature, but at some point the bravado faded and she could see the loss and emptiness behind it. It killed her to know she'd fought so valiantly against something he wanted so much, but it had been for the best, hadn't it?

The sounds of the frantic voices of the EMTs made her want to scream and she realized she was clenching the photo in her hand. She looked down, the picture now crushed and folded. It felt right to do this—almost as if she was being given a chance to right a wrong even if she wasn't entirely sure there was a right and wrong here.

Jill took a breath and dialed the number on the phone.

Phyllis grabbed the phone from the nightstand, sleep instantly fading from her mind.

"Hello?"

Jill nodded, recognizing the tone. It was the same for every mother when the phone rings late at night—when your mind races to mental check of where your children are—of who could be calling at this hour, of what they might say.

"Phyllis," Jill said softly, "It's Jill."

Phyllis felt her heart drop. She threw the covers off immediately, swinging her legs off the side of the bed. "Jill….what's wrong?"

Jill hesitated, suddenly questioning herself. If Phyllis was trying to rebuild with Jack, this was certainly not going to help. "I'm sorry, Phyllis. I know you're trying to work things out with Jack. Maybe I shouldn't have called."

"Jill. Is Billy okay? Has something happened?" She was standing now, her robe already wrapped around her.

"There's been an accident. I'm really not sure what happened."

Tears immediately filled her eyes. "My God." She sat back down on the edge of the bed, forcing breath back into her body. "He's not…He's not…" She couldn't finish the sentence.

"They're working on him now…trying to stabilize him to take him to the hospital. If you wanted to, you could maybe come meet us there?" Jill left the question hanging, letting Phyllis make the next move.

"No," Phyllis responded quickly. "I can't do that."

Jill closed her eyes. "I understand. I really do."

"No..No…" She stood again, walking quickly to the closet and pulling out the first clothes she could grab. "I'm coming to you now. Give me the address where you are."

* * *

Jill stood back, her hand still gripping the phone as she silently prayed. Every time she heard one of the EMTs raise their voice she'd swear her heart would stop. Never before had she felt this completely helpless. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the mass of people parted and began to move lines and medical equipment around. Billy lay on a gurney completely still.

She rushed forward. "Can I see him? Please? I'm his mother. I just want him to know that I'm here."

The EMT looked at her, nodding quickly. "Just for a second…We're trying to get him ready to transport."

"Is he okay?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"We're doing everything we can."

The answer was like a slap in the face. She knew what that meant. That was the answer they gave when they had no other answer or when the real answer wasn't something they wanted to deal with. That was the answer that meant it could go either way. She couldn't handle that….not when the answer involved her son.

She walked over to him slowly. He wasn't burned badly that she could see. There were a few bandages on his hands but his face appeared okay. They had an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth and his eyes were closed. "Billy," she said softly, her voice breaking as she spoke to him.

There was no response. She turned around, her eyes meeting one of the men who'd been working on him earlier. "Is the conscious?" she asked. "Can he hear me?"

He smiled kindly at her. "He's not conscious, but we don't know if he can hear you or not. It certainly can't hurt to talk to him."

Jill nodded. She turned back to Billy, her hand trembling as she very gently stroked his hair. "I'm here sweetheart. I haven't always been here for you and I know that, but I'm here now." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "And I called her. She'll be here soon." The picture was creased and wrinkled, but she smoothed it out as much as she could before pressing it into his hand. "Here's your picture, baby," she said softly. "You hold onto that until she gets here."

* * *

She hadn't allowed herself to cry—not yet. If she stared, she was afraid she wouldn't stop and that was the last thing anyone needed—especially now. The not knowing was the hardest part. Jill had told her virtually nothing…all she knew was that there had been an accident and that he was alive. She didn't know what kind of accident…a car accident, motorcycle accident, a fight….The scenarios made her head spin and each possibility seemed more horrific than the next.

The drive seemed to take forever even though in reality it couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes. The smell of smoke permeated the air far ahead of the actual house. She slowed to a stop in front of the house, the flashing lights and smoldering flames beckoning her towards the site. Phyllis jumped from the car and ran towards the tree where she saw Jill.

"Oh my God," she said, coughing as the thick smoke made it hard to breath. "What the hell happened?"

Jill shook her head. "I don't know," she said honestly. "I just know Billy was in the house when the fire started. They got him out, but…" She turned towards the gurney which they were now beginning to load into the back of the ambulance.

Phyllis stared at him. "Wait," she yelled, rushing over to them as they began to shut the door. "I need to see him…please…Please let me see him."

"Maam. We have to get him to the hospital. You can follow us in your car. You can see him then."

"No," Phyllis screamed in protest. "I need to see him now. He has to know that I'm here. He needs to know. He's going to think I'm not here…that I don't care." The tears began to fall down her cheeks now, no longer abiding by the rules she sat. She looked back over her shoulder. "Jill," she said, her eyes meeting hers. "Please…tell them. Please tell them to let me see him."

Jill walked over to her, gently grabbing her shoulders. She nodded at the EMTs who closed the doors and walked to the driver's side of the ambulance.

"Come on," she said softly. "You can ride to the hospital with me."


	4. Chapter 4

"I wish they would have let someone ride with him. What if he thinks he's alone?" Phyllis turned, her eyes staring at Jill. "Did you see him at all? Did they let you talk to him?"

"No," Jill said softly, desperately trying to focus on the road ahead of her. "They were working on him when I got there and they wouldn't let me see him." She heard the shaky breath as it escaped her lungs and as she glanced over she could see tears streaming down her face. "Phyllis," she said softly, unsure of what to say.

"This is my fault," she managed, finally give voice to the thoughts that had been echoing in her head since the moment Jill had called her. "This is all because of me—because of my stupid decisions…" She turned her head, looking over at Jill. "It's just like you said…you said this would end in disaster. You said I would ruin him."

Jill sighed. Somehow she no longer wanted to be right. Reaching over tentatively, she touched her arm. Comforting her felt strange, but somehow it seemed the only humane thing to do. "This isn't your fault. You didn't make this happen. I don't know why this happened. It just did…but not because of you. Don't do that…don't blame yourself."

Silence settled in the car for a moment. Kindness wasn't something she was accustomed to handling—especially when it came from Jill. "He's gonna be ok, right?"

"Of course he is. My son's gonna be just fine."

* * *

Phyllis ran towards the emergency room entrance with Jill just behind her. She scanned the room for a sign of Billy and, seeing none, ran over to the nurse's desk.

"My son was just brought in by ambulance," Jill said quickly, her voice barely concealing the pure panic that was coursing through her body. "Billy Abbott…Can you tell me where he is, please?"

The nurse nodded, typing into the computer. "He's still in the trauma bay," she said solemnly. "If you'll wait right here, I'll let the doctor know you're here. Someone will be out to talk with you as soon as possible."

She opened her mouth to respond but the nurse had already walked away. Jill turned to face Phyllis. "So that's it? We just have to stand here and wait?" The calm exterior was beginning to crumble and she could feel her body begin to shake. "I can't just sit here and wait for someone to come out here and tell me if my son is ok. I haven't even been able to see him, to talk to him, to touch him. He doesn't even know I'm here. What if he?" She felt her chest tighten with fear and she gasped at the thought of never having a chance to say all the things she'd planned to.

Her eyes screamed as she looked up at Phyllis. "The things I said to him…I never planned on us being like this forever. I always figured we'd get over it. I didn't think he'd…"

Phyllis shook her head. "I know," she whispered, reaching out to touch her arm, this time realizing it was her turn to offer comfort no matter how strange it might seem. "I know Billy knows how much you love him. No matter what you say to him, no matter how much the two of you fight…he always knows that. You're his mother. He can always be certain of your love." She felt the rush of tears fill her eyes as she looked away, her breath catching in her throat as she felt the wave of guilt wash over her.

Jill saw the marked change in her countenance. "But it's not the same for you?"

She wiped her face quickly, composing herself and turning back towards her. "What?"

"I'm his mother. You said he knows I love him…but you're afraid he doesn't know that about you, right?" She didn't have to answer, the truth in the words played across her face.

Phyllis averted her eyes, the tears threatening to spill out again. "I made the decision to work on my marriage and that's what I'm going to do. I'm just sorry Billy got hurt in the process."

"You love him."

"I care about Billy. I told him that."

"You love him." Jill raised her hand to stop her before she protested again. "Just stop…please. God knows I've fought this long enough. I know I told you this would lead to disaster. I know I told you this would tear this family apart. I told you to go back to Jack, to fight for your marriage, but I told you those things because I truly believed this was some passing thing with the two of you."

"I love Jack. I do…"

"But you're not in love with him," Jill sighed. "I knew that the minute I saw your face tonight. This is the face of someone afraid they're about to lose their whole world—not the face of someone worrying about a friend they care about. Jack will always be important to you, but I'd venture to guess you haven't given him a second thought tonight."

She shook her head. "I was just trying to do the right thing," she whispered. "I thought if I went back to Jack…if I tried to remember how it used to be that it would be that way again. I believed we could find that feeling again, but it's gone. With Billy…I…."

Jill nodded. "You don't need to explain to me."

"Excuse me, Mrs. Abbott?" Jill and Phyllis turned towards the nurse and nodded expectantly.

The nurse smiled and gestured towards the hallway. "The doctor is ready to speak with you now."

It was as if someone had let the air out of her lungs.

* * *

"Are you alright?" Jill asked as she gestured towards a chair in the waiting area.

"I..I just.." Phyllis shook her head, her voice betraying her. "Jill."

Jill nodded, reaching out and squeezing her hand. "I know," she whispered. It was one thing to know this had been an accident, but to know this could have been intentional, to know the doctors had found gasoline on his clothes, to know the smoke inhalation coupled with the fumes could have permanently damaged his lungs.

"You still gonna tell me this isn't my fault?" Phyllis sobbed. "He had my picture in his hand…if that isn't an indictment; you want to tell me what is?"

"You aren't responsible for Billy's choices," she sighed. "I know you hurt him and he feels betrayed, but he chose this—not you."

"I never wanted to hurt him, Jill. " She looked up at her, seeing acceptance in her eyes for the first time. "I love him so much. I'd do anything for him."

"I know you would," she whispered, reaching out and squeezing her hand tight in her own. "And you know what? You might be the only person that can. The doctor said we can go see him in a minute and you can go in there and tell him everything you just told me. If he loves you half as much as I think he does, your love just might be enough to make him fight to come back to us."


	5. Chapter 5

She hated the sounds of a hospital. Somehow she thought she could still remember some of the sounds she heard during her own extended stay in the Georgia hospital—the way the sheets rustled as the nurses pulled the up and tucked them in around you, the way the papers flapped as doctors flipped their charts, the sound of machines beeping and hissing from all different directions. An occasional sob, a raised voice, a hushed whisper—it was all too damn familiar.

For a moment she simply sat beside the bed just staring at him. The doctor seemed happy to deliver the news that his face had been unscathed by the fire and that the only burns he'd sustained were minor and were on his hands…as if somehow, their concerns were that superficial—as if that was what they were worried about. Her hand trembled as she lightly stroked his arm, careful to avoid the bandages on his hand.

"God, Billy," she whispered. "What the hell were you thinking?" She shook her head, fighting the battled that raged inside her mind. Part of her literally trembled with anger. It was so damn selfish to do a thing like this—to make a choice that would impact so many people. How could he think this would a solution? Why?

That's where it got complicated. She knew why. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the photo Jill had given her. The sight of it once again brought tears to her eyes. Jill could tell her she wasn't to blame, but the evidence to the contrary was pretty damning. Billy would have never been in that house if it hadn't been for her. She destroyed his life and he was trying to finish the job.

The chair scraped hard against the cold, tile of the floor as she scooted closer to the edge of the bed. She leaned down, half laying next to him. "I'm here now," she said softly. "For what it's worth, I'm here."

She jumped as she his fingers move slightly through her hair, sitting up straight as she heard his sharp intake of breath. "Easy," she warned, gently lowering his hand back to the bed. "You've got a few burns on your hand, but you're gonna be ok."

He looked back at her, blinking, his chest moving in a quick rise and fall as he still struggled to take breaths. She stopped him as he reached for the cannula at his nose. "No..No..you need that. It's gonna help you breathe."

Billy stopped, listening to her for a moment. He opened his mouth, "The.." He coughed, and writhed in pain as pain ripped through his body.

"What?" Phyllis leaned into him, her arms around his shoulders as she helped him sit up. Her arm heart pounded in her chest as she watched him attempt to catch his breath. The sight of him struggling was unbearable. "I'm going go get a doctor," she said quickly, standing and heading towards the door.

"No," he managed, "I'm okay" He held his hand up… "Just a minute…give me a minute."

She stopped, watching him.

He leaned back, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. He thought back to the events of earlier, his mind felt as if it was swimming in the same smoke that filled his lungs. Everything was a blur, a mix of flashes and memories.

His eyes opened again to see her sitting back beside him, her face creased with worry. "Our house?"

Phyllis stared at him. "What?"

"Is the house okay? Did they save the house?"

"I…I don't know. I mean, it was still standing when I got there, but the firefighters were still there when we left."

Billy nodded. His chest ached and his head throbbed. With every blink of his eyes the room seemed to spin more and more and it seemed more difficult to keep his thoughts together. "Your dress," he muttered, feeling his consciousness drifting away.

"My dress?" Phyllis repeated his words, her confusion evident.

He nodded, unable to form the words any longer.

"Billy." She called his name, standing and leaning over him. "Billy…no, please don't do this. I need you here with me. Please, Billy. I love you. I can't lose you now…"

It was something in her voice—something that reminded him of another time—of another moment, of a time when she'd promised him they'd have a life together, a future. It was a time she'd told him it was what she wanted.

He forced his eyes open and there it was—that smile..the smile he'd waited to see then, and the one that would keep him going now.

Phyllis took a breath, closing her eyes in grateful thanks. "Thank God," she whispered, leaning down to kiss his lips.

* * *

She stood off to the side as the doctors scribbled notes on the charts.

"How's he doing?" she asked, anxiously approaching as the stepped back.

The doctor smiled. "Quite well," he answered. "There are some things that medical science can't take credit for and this I believe would be one of them."

Phyllis thanked him and watched as he walked from the room. She quickly joined Billy on the bed, sitting close to him beside his legs.

"What?" he asked when she didn't speak.

She shook her head. "You know you scared the hell out of me." Her eyes met his, tears now filling them, the terror of the moment finally fading enough to allow her real feelings to shine through. "What were you thinking—doing something so reckless?"

"I was thinking about you….about a life without you. I know it was crazy and selfish and I shouldn't have done it, but I just couldn't face my life without you." He exhaled, shaking his head as he thought of it all over again. "I just couldn't."

Her eyes stared into his for a long moment before she spoke again. "What you did—what you put me through…it was horrible. The thought of losing you…of living my life without you—it was the most horrible thing I could ever dream of." She looked down at her hands, the realization now becoming clear. "But it taught me something…." A small smile spread across her face as she thought back to a moment many months ago. She leaned close to him, pressing her lips against his quickly before speaking, "I'm beginning to think I can't live my life without you."

Billy smiled, her words sparking his own memory. "I knew you'd catch on eventually," he whispered.

* * *

 **6 months later**

"What do you think?" she asked, stopping to spin around in front of him.

"I think it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony," he grinned, bringing his hand up to cover his eyes.

"Bad luck?" Phyllis scoffed. "Please…we don't need no stinkin' luck." She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him.

"I can't believe this day is finally here," he sighed, looking up at the newly finished ceilings. "I was beginning to think they'd never get it all finished or that by the time they did we'd already be common law married."

"I'd still want the ring," she giggled. "And I still want you." She kissed him softly, pulling away slowly as she felt his arms wrap tight around her. "Hey," she whispered. "We've got ten days in Italy ahead of us. There'll be plenty of time for that. For now, we better get out on that porch before your mother sends in the cavalry."

Billy laughed. "Alright..Alright…." He took her hand in his, taking one last look at her as he rested his hand on the door. She wore a fitted white gown with silver floral detail that she'd joked was "strapless and sexy but one shouldered for taste." In truth she could have worn anything and she still would take his breath away.

"You ready to become Mrs. Billy Abbott?" he asked.

"I've never been more ready for anything in my whole life."

 **The End**


End file.
